I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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