the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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