Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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