She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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