I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
