After last night, I could never be a politician.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
