Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
