Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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