Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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