Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
