Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
