rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
