just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize