You work out of a Hotel?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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