Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up under a house in Key West
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
