she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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