I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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