Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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