True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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