all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
