just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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