it hurts more in the daytime
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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