can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize