I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
