You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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