Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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