I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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