they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
