He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
