I think my vagina is haunted
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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