they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
