I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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