we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
