i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
