I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
