Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
