I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
