i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
