apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
