I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
