Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
