Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
