if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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