chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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