there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
