i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize