Sponge bath it is.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
