my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
