Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Randomize
