I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize