we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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