I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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