You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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