i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
