i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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