whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
