if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
