My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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