Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
