did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
