And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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