Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize