RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
