do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
