That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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