he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
