i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
