I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
