I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
