Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
