Umm I'm too high to move.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
