maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
